When I was a little girl

When I was a little girl
I had a canopy of curl

It looked like sparrow’s nest
but I carried it with great zest

I giggled and played with my siblings in the rain
And relaxed in Ammi’s lap, sharing all my pain

Engrossed in stories of Knights and fairies
There was no time for stress and worries

Happiness wasn’t where I needed to reach
It was like sand right on the beach

Life was so simple and full of peace
There was no place for drama or deceit

Getting pampered day and night
I was everyone’s heart delight

If 2020 was a person it would be called a boogeyman!

If 2020 was a person,
It would be called a boogeyman!
A type of mythical creature
that frightened the rich and the poor
and created havoc across the globe
With no physical appearance,
It became a man’s worst nightmare
With uncertainties, social distancing,
panic buying & sanitizer

This boogeyman was Godsent,
with stories of perils and fear
it made our hearts race
and mind constantly vigil
It spurred our anxiety
with all that was happening
and all that was unknown
We were confined, claustrophobic
mentally jolted but not broken!

Patience is Tough!

Maa, it’s very painful because when you’re in a difficult moment, the bubble of darkness is all that surrounds you.

Ria, I understand how suffocating & difficult the year has been for you

No Maa you don’t!

It’s like you are trapped in a place where there are no doors to leave. There’s just a window through which you can see sunlight enter, but you can’t exit

But Ria, always remember, that window, however small it may be, is a reminder that there is light outside of what you’re experiencing.

Ease will follow & you will soon find renewed hope!

Fatherhood is Funhood

Fatherhood is as fabulous as Motherhood. We must enjoy every moment as a family and be a part of all the milestones together. The focus should be on making memories that last a lifetime and beyond!

While Motherhood is all about balancing love and disciplining, it is a combination of difficult challenges and joyful moments that makes Motherhood as Mentalhood 🤪🤪 (how I loved Karishma in the web series Mentalhood)

Fatherhood, on the other hand, is Funhood, I am totally in awe of the relationship my boys( father-son duo) share. There is so much warmth in a father-child relation and over the years I have seen that it all depends on the amount of time a father spends with the child. Even with the work from home option and extensive workload, I often see them enjoy a game of chess in between his calls or enjoying some playtime with giggles through the day

While all fathers are terrific and their love knows no bounds, it’s Fatherhood with Funhood that is the need of the hour!

So, mamas, do you see the change in “Fatherhood” over the years? Yayyy or Nayy!

Well I strongly feel we should talk more about these heroes beyond ‘Fathers Day’ 🙃😃🙂

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#fatherhood #fatherandson #father #fatherslove #family #bonding #daddy #dadson #dadsofinstagram #instadad #instafatherhood #igdaily #love #motherhood #mentalhood #mumslife #keepitreal #childrenof_instagram
#motherhoodunplugged
#instalove #instatime #photooftgeday #photography
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Modern Love

Modern Love on Amazon Prime is a lovely ode to modern-day relationships set in New York City. It’s a series of 8 poignant short stories that depict love beyond the typical Bollywood kinds 🙂

It doesn’t portray surrendering oneself for your love or compromising with everything and sulk to stay in the wedlock. On the contrary, it explores relationships between two people who certainly don’t have to be in a romantic relationship because love is beyond that. There is a slice of real life in each of its stories and that makes it so relatable.

My personal favourite was episode 3
“Take Me As I Am, Whoever I Am”
in which Anne Hathway plays Lexi, a lawyer with bipolar disorders struggling to manage her highs and lows. The director has depicted mental health in such a powerful way that a layman can connect to what goes in a person’s life with bipolar disorder

When she is high, she would step out at wee hours in the night and would charm the men in the supermarket into having breakfast with her. But when she is low, she can barely get out of bed and be herself. She has her extremes and just when she is all cheerful and enthusiastic, things would change the next second.

She misses those planned dates with her boyfriend and arrives late to work, almost making people baffled by the change in her behaviour. Nobody has an inkling about that erratic behaviour because she is extremely secretive about the challenges mental health creates in her life

However eventually, she finds an emotional connection with a woman with whom she decides to be friends and shares her challenges with her.

The episode beautifully ends with a strong message about how trusting one true friend could change everything. Ann Hathaway has done a stupendous job portraying Lexi’s mental health disorder

I loved watching episode 1, 3, 7, 8

I finished the entire series in one sitting and each story has a completely different love story to tell

Modern Love
IDMB Rating – 8
Episodes – 8

Do watch this series if you have not, I am sure you will like it. Provided you have seen it, I would love to know your thoughts 🙂

I am extremely happy to share that this review has also been published on GurgaonMoms( a robust online community with a membership of more than 30k)

Review : Modern Love @ Amazon Prime

#Americanseries #modernlove #amazonprime #webseries #newyorkcolumn #newyorkcity #love #bipolardisorder #mentalhealth #indianblogger #seriesreview #modernrelationship #writersinenglish #indianmomblogger #bloggersofindia

My Child’s First Day in the daycare when he turned 6 months old!

I woke up with a lump in my throat and a pit in my stomach. I was sad. Sad to be away from my little baby with whom I spent every single minute of the last 6 months.

Hell No, he ain’t leaving me and going long distance, it’s just the daycare where he will spend 7-8 hours in a day. Well, to someone who is not a mom would say Big Deal Lady, to be honest, I was dreading this day ever since my bundle of joy turned 3 months old because back in 2014 the maternity break.was for 3 months butI decided to extend it further.

It was extremely Difficult and Unbearable.

Zayan was a very happy child, and with whatever we observed he was comfortable staying without me on days I took an off from babysitting, so the separation anxiety was solely mine and I had to come to terms with it

I was in conflict with my own thoughts, on one hand, there was an ambitious and passionate me who loved her professional world and was eager to join back and soar high with new zeal and enthusiasm, while on the other hand was a new mum with a lot of guilt some of which was self-induced and some from external factors like in-laws, acquaintances, relatives, moms who left their job for the baby and the list goes on

Muzzafer kept comforting me and said it’s all gonna be OK and my feelings towards the baby are natural. He told me that the sooner we make a decision the better it will be for me as a mother. He feared that with time I will get complacent and may totally forget about my aspiration. He vowed to walk hand in hand with me as I step into the world I belong as an Independent Woman with a newly acquired tag of a Mother. He promised to always share the load no matter what it entails and believe you me he did all that he promised and beyond

With that assurance, we did our research and finalized on the daycare. I had parallelly informed at work and finalized on the joining date which was 2 weeks after Zayan’s admission to the daycare. As parents we were preparing ourselves to leave Zayan in the hands of others, it wasn’t as easy as it sounds. It was extremely difficult. We were trying to build that trust within and comforted each other that all will be OK and constantly looked for examples around.

The day finally arrived, 15th June 2015, and we were all set to drop Z to the daycare. The tiny human I created will today be handed in the hands of the daycare teachers. No matter how qualified they were I was NERVOUS.

We reached the daycare on time and found the teacher all ready to embrace and welcome the new infant. With a lot of to and fro, teary eyes I handed over Zayan to be taken to the cradle.

This was the first time I had given him to a stranger, for the last 6 months he was with me or my husband barring a few days of travel to Calcutta and Kashmir. Believe you me, I was choking. It felt a part of me was gone with him too but my son was thrilled he hopped yo her as if he knew her for the longest time. That’s how cool he is till date

While my rational self believed that he wilp be mostly asleep and everything will be fine, but my heart was not ready to accept. A mom of a 6 months old was just not willing to let go off her child. That moment I was impacted emotionally, physically and mentally.

My internal struggle was beyond anything I have experienced before, I guess that was my first test as a Mother. The first sacrifice a mother makes before she kicks off her professional journey. The tale of a returning mom which is less spoken about and I found it so very difficult.

It was then I could relate to a lot of mums who gave up their career to bring up their children and I could feel every bit of that emotion. I know why and how they changed everything that they once wanted to achieve. They knew what to Prioritize

With so much going on in my mind I rushed to the play area and cried like a baby and vented out my feelings to Muzzafer. He silently listened to me and hugged me saying it will all be fine. He asked if I wanted to settle as a mum and give up work. He asked me many such questions that helped me clear the doubt and answered many unanswered questions in my mind.

I was a tad bit better

Thanks to technology we were able to see Zayan playing with the teachers and infants of his age, and to my utter surprise, he was comfortable in the hands of others. He was enjoying with his newfound friends and caretakers. This to a great extent helped comfort me and my anxiety was easing.

Muzzafer and I watched him first through the CCTV and later took the permission to watch him from the glass panel outside the class. He did not show any sign of separation, in fact, he didn’t miss me much. This was bothering me and I felt guilty.

You know with mums the guilt doesn’t go. It is never-ending Isn’t it?

Initially, I sat in the daycare and continued watching Zayan through the CCTV  the whole time. I was constantly updated about his acts and that in a way, helped me stay connected. The only time he showed discomfort was at the time he had milk. He refused to take the bottle feed initially and that kind of worried me as a mother.

The headmistress comforted me saying it happens and slowly he will be fine. I was getting used to the new ways of letting someone else take charge of Zayan. I was coming to terms with it.

But the subsequent weeks were the hardest because I had joined work and it was hard to keep a constant check on him because of work commitments. I would call the daycare frantically asking if everything was fine with Zayan. If I had a meeting I asked Muzzafer to constantly watch over him. It was all so difficult that I often thought if my decision to leave him at the daycare was right. The mommy guilt would surface each time someone in the family or friends would say

‘Poor baby he has to stay away from his mom’ OR
How cruel of you to let your baby stay in the daycare. Haven’t you heard the news about daycare and how they treat kids? OR
How insensitive of you not to be around the Lil angel. OR
Is he able to stay without you? Are you sure? Don’t you miss him?

…..All these were enough to get a new mom die of guilt pangs. Like Seriously!/Who scares the newbies..darn it!

I remember once I left the meeting in between and rushed to the daycare because I was feeling so uneasy and guilty

But with time I was able to handle all of it and go through it with the inner strength and support of my husband, friends and colleagues at work. My boss was my biggest support back then and I still remember what she said, Lubna you are a mom and there is nothing you can’t handle! Relax…

With time I started to be less harsh to myself and looked at mums around whose kids were grown up for inspiration. I spoke to them more often to understand how they functioned and handled both work and family. I could transition from a mother to a working mom with the support of my network.

Today I reflect on those days with a big smile because it was all worth it.

Zayan is full of warmth and affection and the one thing that I love the most is his habit of sharing things with others. He enjoys the company of others and welcomes everyone with open arms.

Right from the onset I had no complaint about his eating habits in the daycare, he always finished his meals and till date, he is a happy eater and I truly give this credit to the caring and trustworthy teachers of his daycare

Hats off to all the mums who wear multiple hats and take care of each and every responsibility of theirs so well. We are not supermoms, not perfect at all but we try to give our best at every stage of our lives!

Kudos to all mums who leave their kids and strive to be a woman if substance, a woman who is self-sufficient, a woman who is equal

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Travelling With An Infant on his 40th Day on Earth

Hello,

I am Zayan and I’m 40 days old. Today I am going to Calcutta with my mum. I am a tad bit nervous and scary because it’s the first flight of my life. so I may cry and make some noise…well if you insist I will do my best to stay quiet but I can’t make any promises. So, if I do cry please excuse me 🙂

Hell Yes, this is exactly what I told every passenger who looked at us and congratulated us on our way to Calcutta. It was our first, mine as a mom and of course his in this world because prior to this he was enjoying the roller coaster ride in my bump.

We’ve all lived by the various versions of travel. You’ve boarded, taken your seat and the flight is about to take off when you hear a baby crying….no if you are not a parent yet, it actually sounds screaming. Isn’t it?

Your head explodes and the only question you have is

Why can’t the parent keep their kid quiet? What is wrong with the baby?
Why Me?
Why did I take this seat and not the other one I was offered?

We”ve all been the miserable passenger, and now what if you’re that miserable parent who can’t keep her baby quiet?

You can well imagine the kind of nightmares and plight I had prior to the travel.

The other biggest fear I had about flying solo with bubs was the prospect of changing a diaper mid-flight. What if there is turbulence and I am in the middle of an unaccomplished task …phew!

So with a lot of “What If’s” and “But” I reached the airport to kick off another big project after project baby

My husband wished me luck and cautioned me that I was travelling with a baby who is my responsibility. He joked around saying don’t forget the carrycot thinking it to be someone else’s, It’s Yours 🙂 You are carrying the love of our life in that. Yeah right…. you think after so much of wait, for project baby to be successful I would ever think so.

I snapped at him and walked inside the airport giving him a flying peck

I checked in my luggage without any hassle, and since I reached much before the time I decided to have a cup of coffee as it was early morning. Zayan was asleep and without wasting time, I ordered one and sat on the couch exhausted as if I had spent hours in the gym doing a rigorous workout. Well, I ain’t regular at the gym but I am sure being a new mom is far more strenuous tha. any amount of workout, but yet, it takes ages to shed off…

SIGH!

Ah! I was relaxed on that couch, almost about to doze off when the boarding announcement came in. My coffee was almost over and Zayan my Lil bub was still asleep. I thanked my stars and of course my husband for booking an early morning flight. As a matter of fact, we did all the research on what to do and what not while travelling with a baby. So the diaper bag was stacked up with pacifiers, milk bottles, diapers, rattles and what not. I read and re-read ways to keep the baby engaged and I thought that we are well prepared.

We made way for boarding and because I had a little one it was all very smooth. The moment we took our seats,  Zayan started crying uncontrollably. He cried during take-off and honestly, no pacifier or bottle helped at that point in time. I bounced him on my lap and walked him down the aisle but all in vain. Nothing seemed to work, and here I was, seeing the nightmare turn into a reality,

I was that parent with a crying baby. Something I dreaded the most…

I looked around and saw people were sympathetic completely opposite to what I imagined. An elderly woman sitting next to me tried comforting me and asked me not to worry. She applauded me for travelling alone and said you are doing a good job. I felt like an achiever 😜

A young girl who was engrossed in reading a book started making faces to cheer my bub and that’s when I  saw a smile on Zayan’s face. The flight attendant constantly checked on me and tried playing with Zayan and to my utter surprise, I found him responding better to girls comforting him than men or boys. Wow, this was something new and I was all smiling. With all their help he finally dozed off to sleep.

I was already exhausted by then and silently prayed that he wakes up post landing. I looked around apologetically to one and all who tried to comfort him and said it was his first.

And just when I thought we are settled I had an adrenaline rush. I needed to use the restroom immediately 🙄

Now What?

Who is going to take care of Zayan?

Well, I looked around and found the attendants were free, without giving a second thought and wasting any time I rushed to them and requested them to help babysit while I go answer nature’s call. Honestly, it was more of a push, you have to take care as I have no choice whatsoever.

When I came out relieved and content, I see Zayan playing with the 2 attendants and laughing. For a minute I thought if he was actually forty days old, coz he was so comfortable with strangers in fact he was his best. Didn’t I read that a baby is comfortable only with mama in the initial few months? And here right under my nose, my bub was enjoying. Wow! trust me the sight was so comforting because I realized he is going to be a happy child. With a sigh of relief, I stretched my self and thought of going to the seat and taking a short nap. The greedy mom, you see 😜

Ah…but ..but all of it was short-lived. My imagination got a thunder awakening with the smell of something foul. I asked around if there is something stale and to my utter shock found it was my babies poop that smelled horrible…PHEW…REALLY!

I was numb…how do I change the diaper in the moving flight? Yet another fear I saw turned into reality

As I stood puzzled, the girls came to my rescue and got me the diaper bag and helped me with the fold-down changing table. Well, they kinda sensed my incompetency…Really? Did they?

I was reluctant to keep Zayan on the table initially. There were too many things going on in my mind
What if there is turbulence? I can’t I just can’t risk my Lil bub’s life!
What if he falls?
What if I create a mess?

Imagine my plight at that time

I looked around to look for some help but who is going to help here. It’s your son’s poop. Daddy dear was far away in a distant land somewhere and like they say when the time comes you certainly have no choice but to get your hands dirty and do what is required. I managed to change the diaper though with a lot of discomforts and got back to my seat.

The attendants started serving food and were moving up and down the aisle and to be honest, I was very disturbed with the whole affair because Zayan was getting restless. I so regretted taking the aisle seat instead of the window but there was little I could do then.

At that very moment, I was hungry thirsty and almost everything. I badly needed a cup of coffee but my hands were full. While everyone relished the food and coffee I kept looking at my bub and dozed off feeding him.

It was a light pat on my shoulder that woke me up and I found the attended kneeling down next to my seat and whispered ‘Mam why don’t you eat something while we babysit Zayan, yes they got his name too 🙂

Honestly, I was in two minds, but as much as I was protective of my bub, I was all willing to give Zayan in her hands as I was extremely tired and accepted the offer to have coffee and sandwich 😊. Zayan happily jumped onto her arms and smiled

I had no time to think about all that, I wiped off whatever was offered to me like a hungry wolf and thanked the attendant for all their help.

It was now time for landing, yet another big hurdle but luckily for me, the attendants got Zayan to sleep while I was satiating my belly. With fingers crossed we successfully touched the ground, and Zayan woke up by the noise of people around who were ready to de-board.

We said goodbye to the flying attendant and the pilot and I thanked and hugged them for their warmth and affection. They asked to click a picture with Zayan and I couldn’t refuse.

I placed Zayan in the carrycot and moved out of the plane saying goodbye to everyone. Thankfully I was provided assistance with the luggage and exhausted but happy, I zoomed out of the airport to meet my family and on my way out called up my husband to share the success of yet another project 😜

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My Child:s First Breath Took Ours Away!

How long will the baby take to come out?

I asked the doctor almost giving up all hope of a normal delivery

The doctor said ‘It will take some more time and I need to be patient and keep trying”

Being in labour for almost 22 hours I get to hear about patience. I am almost at the stage of giving up when I get another dose of injection to increase the contraction.

Woah I wasn’t prepared for this one at all because I thought the worst is over. Hell no, it’s here giving me relentless pain. Seeing me wreathing with pain my mom decided to ditch the normal delivery and declared C-section. My husband was convinced with her decision and there was no looking back.

Within seconds I was in the Operation theatre, hand in hand with my better half I got ready to welcome you with open arms and a twinkle in the eye.

That twinkle in the eye disappeared the moment the anaesthetic got me ready for an epidural. I screamed and looked exhausted.

What’s with the baby doctor? How long will the bub take now? I was impatient and almost willing to go fetch him out myself.

The doctor laughed and said “The baby kinda refuses to come out and is enjoying the warmth inside”

Muzzafer tried diverting my mind and spoke about something that was highly engaging (I have no clue what it was) and amidst our conversation,

WE HEARD THE FIRST CRY….IT WAS BlISS…..

THE SWEETEST VOICE I HEARD TILL DATE.

It is, in fact, the first time that I enjoyed the sound of someone cry. I Swear!

I was THRILLED to hear the voice of my OWN PRODUCTION, ELATED to see the success of project baby on which I worked endlessly

TEARS rolled down my cheeks while I was THANKING THE ALMIGHTY

We both were so engrossed in the NEWFOUND JOY that we forgot to ask whether it’s a “BOY” or a “GIRL”

We totally forgot about it 😀

Well, I wanted a baby girl and all through my nine months of pregnancy I prayed for one and asked everyone to do the same. And here when the baby has arrived we forgot to ask the gender. Like Seriously!

The doctor smiled and said “It seems you don’t want to know if it’s pink or blue. That’s when it struck us and I immediately asked

Its a girl right? Almost sure that the answer will be a big yes.

Well, It’s a boy, she said

We were least interested in the gender at that point in time, the only thing that mattered was that ” You Arrived” It was a moment of JOY

We both were patiently waiting for the doctor to place you in our arms but it was taking a tad bit long. We could hear you cry while the paediatric who was summoned was checking you. We were clueless about all that was was going on.

I frantically asked the doctor if everything was OK. That’s when she said there is a birthmark and that’s what they were checking to see if its something severe or just a birthmark.

We got scared but was immediately comforted by the paediatric that it’s normal and handed over the baby to us.

Your dad and I looked at you with teary-eyes and kissed you. We took our first selfie with a big smile. That moment was priceless, we both felt we delivered on life’s most difficult project successfully.

Your dad I guess went mad, he was jumping around with excitement, and couldn’t believe you have arrived, and that you were so tiny. He smiled endlessly with teary eyes and rushed out to share the news with everyone.

You were soon taken to the cradle to get you ready to meet your family who was eagerly waiting for you.

Your dad rushed to where you were to do some rituals, he put a tinge of honey in your mouth as per the tradition and said the azaan in your ears.

Your Grandmoms and Masi were waiting for you in the room and several others were frantically calling to see how junior looks.

By the time I came out, you had already met  others. I smiled at you while you were enjoying the lullaby in your dad’s arms. It was after everyone had seen you, and the pictures were clicked that I got some time with you.

I knew you were a charmer the moment the nursed placed you in my arms. As I held you, our eyes met and at that moment I could feel my heart expand. I just can’t explain the love my darling. I have no idea where it comes from but it’s strong, its powerful.

I could feel that instant connect with you. I had a horrifying 24 hours before you arrived but all of it seemed nothing compared to the joy I had of holding you and being by  your side

it was magical, truly magical.

While the rest of the family was busy making phone calls, you and I were bonding for a lifetime. I spoke to you just the way I did all of nine months and you smiled. I guess you were enjoying the comfort of my arms and at the same time looked around to see how the world looks like.

Your dad joined us and we sang to you and shared our happiness with you umpteen times assuming you could understand all of it.

Soon the time came for you to be fed and the nurse took you to the cradle and asked me to take some rest.

Well, It was the most beautiful day of my life. Your first breath indeed took ours away.

Thank You, Z for coming into our lives and making it beautiful 💗Disclaimer:    The opinions expressed in this

Pause And Reflect

Have you ever felt that everyone is running to win the race of life, always busy in multitasking for multiple plans, plans that are mostly materialistic,  short lived and often to uplift our social strata . The circle of influence in everything we do is mostly us. Isn’t it? 

We need to simply pause for a moment and think about the ultimate outcome…Do we really know what it is?  or have we actually come to terms with it?

We do, consciously or unconsciously but most of us don’t accept “it’s death “which is inevitable and certain!

In the whole gamut called life, the only thing that remain ours are the moments we created, and when that last moment comes we all will have to go….yes we have to…a bitter truth but reality.

Rest everything that we endlessly work for,will remain or be left behind….everything that we worked upon tirelessly,were just an aid that helped us make moments. Those moments are the only thing that’s “Ours” and we spend the least amount of time making those moments.

Our endeavor should be:

• To make those moments the most cherished ones for us and all around us.
• Embrace each other with open arms, and show up for those who need us in difficult times.
• Provide continuous support and presence both physically and virtually to make an impact on those who need us
• Forget about what we were meant to do, forget about success and failure, forget about “WHY ME” ??? instead focus on living every moment like their’s no tomorrow.Live fir the moment and most importantly be content with what we have

Let’s all make an effort to do good in every moment           

                                                       

Think good in every moment                    And above all…… thank God for everything 🙏

Ditch The Mommy Guilt

As mothers oftentimes we find ourselves swamped with guilts. Guilt could be for anything and everything under the sun because it costs nothing.

• You yelled at your kids
• Spent too much time on your phone
• Resentful of the fact that you never get a single moment of peace
• Not spending time with them
• Spend hours working on deadlines
• Enjoyed a girlie date that got extended

The list goes on and on, and yeah if you are carefree kind than the guilt is induced by others too because you are made to realize how bad a mother you are.

Being a new mom, I fell into this trap and had a terrible few months but I guess, I was fortunate to have a husband who helped me overcome the guilt pang, and I actually got to terms with it.

Motherhood is not defined by one action, one day, or being the perfect mom always. Is it?

We can always make up for the times we missed

• Cuddle them a little more
• Play with them an hour extra
• Increase the number of bedtime stories
• Mommy’s day out
• Plan an activity – cooking, painting et

We can make the list endless, oh yes!

Motherhood is defined by thousands of tiny moments on thousands of different days, so take a chill pill and of course avoid listening to others who make you go crazy. Let’s not loose sleep over who we were or were not today but dream about tomorrow and how beautiful we can make it.

What is your take on this and how do you overcome the guilt, do SHARE your guilt day or any such moment. I am sure we will unlearn this habit if we openly discuss about it

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